In my feels or nah

I somehow always end up doing these blogs with minutes to spare so this is going to be a sub par blog. Sorry, but I'll try to spin some gold out of hay.

The first item I can't be apart with is my car. I know I'm incredibly shallow, but I understand how it feels like to not have a car. All of a sudden, you have all this freedom, all this responsibility, and once its gone, all there is is a void. I didn't have my car for almost a month and I was miserable. I had zero independence and relied heavily on my friends to take me to work, school, you name it. Receiving something like a car and watching it disappear really taught me appreciation and respect for my material things. I know technically I don't carry my car but I bring my keys almost everywhere.

My ultimate life goal is to be happy. As a child, I was picked on and was a huge crybaby. My uncle still asks me if cry when someone mocks me. Happiness always seemed an intangible object to me as a kid, so I feel like all I want in life is to be happy. Everything else I want is to help me get there. All of life's desires are just stepping stones to reach the final achievement of bliss. My current goal is a top-tier university. Five years from now it will be a 6 figure job, 15 years from now it will be a family, and 75 years from now it will be one more year. All these wants tie back to happiness.

I don't think there's a single person in the universe I idolize. Everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes.

I have fitness inspirations, success inspirations, bliss inspirations, and personality inspirations. I love a lot of people and I am always thinking of them. Most of these people are my friends. I worry about their problems, I wonder how I can help them achieve their goals, and I willingly sacrifice for their well being. I think my friends motivate me to be a better person. I try to show more compassion and generosity. I want to think like Buddha, but I can't forget the material world. I hope one day I can find that one person who can make me a better person.

When I think of myself I think intelligent. Funny story, my Spanish teacher last year asked us to describe ourselves in one word. I said intelligent because frankly, I am. I don't care if that's conceited to say, but I can not count how many times I have heard "Emily, your'e so smart." This one girl who,THANK GOD, left Westside, decided that it was okay to cause an uproar and blurted out"OF COURSE YOU WOULD SAY THAT OMG EMILY YOUR'E SO COCKY I THINK I AM SO COOL BECAUSE I AM OPINIONATED". Granted I might be paraphrasing, but the message was the same. And the funniest thing is that this girl said that lazy was the perfect word to describe her. Literally everyone hates you so swerve lazy is possibly the worst word you could pick. Another personality trait that most people don't know is that I am very bitter. You could probably tell by my little hate monologue that i hold grudges. Yeah I do, get over it because I know I won't. I'm usually only this was to my family. I will NEVER forget how my sister sabotaged me and forced me to be friendless. We used to dance together and she told EVERY SINGLE DANCE GIRL, EVEN THE DAMN TEACHER that I picked my nose. To be honest while 9 year old doesn't okay? Worst parts were when we had to dance while holding hands. All those pretentious girls looked at me like I had syphilis. As you can tell my childhood was full of fond memories that didn't affect my current sassy self. Lastly, I would say that I am bold. The other day, Saturday to be specific, I jumped into a pool that was about 50 degrees because #YOLO. I don't really know when this attitude formed because I used to be that stereotypical Asian girl that sat in the corner and did puzzles all by herself. I'm glad that caterpillar has become a social butterfly. I want to be fearless. I want to speak my mind. I want to spend my youth being spontaneous and my old days regretting. 

The most influential memory I have is one that I would rather not post on the internet. As an elementary student I had to face reality rather quickly because there was high distress in the family. At the same time, the recession hit and my father's small business suffered greatly. Keep in mind that my parents had four children in a span of 6 years so financial suffering is inevitable. My friends call me cheap all the time, but I don't care. They don't understand the struggle so I just interpret it as just being smart with my money. I will always be a hard worker and will genuinely earn every penny I make. This experience really taught me to appreciate what you have because things can be gone before you know it.

I know this blog was really lengthy but I think you can really learn a lot about the mysterious 17 year old Emily Wang. I hope one day when I am older and I am trolling the internet that I stumble across this gem. Having a digit time capsule is a rather sweet thought and I can already feel the nostalgia flowing through my bones.